1
00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,240
- That slaps.
- What's that?

2
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:08,920
When something's really good.

3
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:13,080
I quite like that.  That slaps.
That slaps, man.

4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,000
God, that girl's peng.
Peng's gone.  What?

5
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,040
It's "leng".
If you're fit now, it's like,

6
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,360
Alan, you're leng.

7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,360
Am I ever going to find love on this
island?

8
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:27,440
I just don't think there's any gays.
Maybe underground gays.

9
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,920
Or dead.

10
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,880
THEY LAUGH

11
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,760
Right, I'll get a shovel.
Let's go on a date.

12
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,040
Let's go on a dig.

13
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,360
In the beautiful island of Corfu,

14
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:48,320
Amanda and I are spending the summer
renovating a family holiday home.

15
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:52,480
We've completed nearly all of
the rooms,

16
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,480
and now we're taking
on a space each.

17
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,800
I'm doing up the bathroom.

18
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,240
And I'm tackling the old landing.

19
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,640
I was thinking, you know,

20
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:10,640
to dip into the Greek culture,
the cradle of learning.

21
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,960
And I was thinking
having a reading room.

22
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:17,160
A bit of a day bed.  Yes.  Yeah.
And I just think books.

23
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,000
And then maybe one of
those busts of,

24
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,680
like, a Greek god.
You know, Hercules or something.

25
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,640
What about Hercules lifting
up the bunk bed, like...?

26
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,640
No.  Can you imagine how amazing
that would be, to come in

27
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,440
and then Hercules is like that?

28
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:34,600
I want it to be full of books.
I want a day bed.

29
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,520
I want a ladder like you get
in posh libraries.

30
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,240
And I want it to be, like,
full of philosophy and,

31
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,520
you know,
mythology and stuff like that.

32
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,680
Real Greek centre of learning.

33
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:47,600
And what are we going to do
about this bathroom?

34
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,560
Well, this is
where I feel like we can go...

35
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,600
..really Greek.  Yeah.

36
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:56,320
And I was thinking of a round bath,

37
00:01:56,320 --> 00:02:01,280
but I wondered about sort of mosaic
tiling along the halfway

38
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,800
so it looks very Greek.  Yeah.

39
00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,560
A chandelier.

40
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,440
Doesn't it just look a bit
ostentatious?

41
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,720
Amanda always has these grand plans,

42
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:16,400
and they get bigger and bigger
and more fabulous.

43
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:20,800
The potential for that to look awful
is really high.

44
00:02:22,920 --> 00:02:24,840
Before we can start the interiors,

45
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,920
we've got to knock
down the internal wall,

46
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:31,400
dividing the spaces
so a new solid one can be built.

47
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,360
But Amanda's more concerned
about fitting in her circular bath.

48
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:38,240
Is this, um...?
Is this floor coming up?

49
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,000
We have to.  Yes. Good.

50
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:43,440
I need it to
because I'm having a round bath.

51
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,920
So we need to...  We need a strong
floor.  Because it's heavy.

52
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,440
It's going to be heavy.
It's going to be heavy.

53
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,920
Why can't...?
Just have a normal bath.

54
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,800
I want something different.  Round is
stupid.  Bathrooms are my speciality.

55
00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,760
Round?  It's quite plain.

56
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,480
Where you found that picture?
What is it?

57
00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,640
On my... It's on my mood board.

58
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,480
Well, it's just the photo.  It's AI.

59
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,160
HE CHUCKLES

60
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,120
Look, Alan, please tell me,
can you...?

61
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,760
I'm with Stamatis. This is AI.
That is not AI.  Thank you.

62
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:16,160
I think the unicorn
in the bath is a bit of a giveaway.

63
00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:17,880
LAUGHTER

64
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,560
Can't wait to see it.
I'm glad it's not mine.

65
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:23,880
It will happen.

66
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,840
STAMATIS LAUGHS

67
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:33,480
I have a vivid imagination
and I have quite outlandish ideas,

68
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,040
but I can see it all.

69
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,720
It's going to work,
and it HAS to work.

70
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:39,960
I'm just going to say this.

71
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,080
I think there's more chance
of a bus turning up

72
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:47,200
at this bus stop than you getting
a round blue bath in Corfu.

73
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,080
SHE LAUGHS

74
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,680
There, I've said it.

75
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,520
In order to make my reading room
a centre of learning,

76
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:06,280
I've got to get to grips
with Greek mythology.

77
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:09,280
So I'm whisking Amanda away

78
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,600
to Corfu's Achilleion Palace
for a research trip.

79
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,960
God, it's stunning.  Isn't it just?
Look.

80
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,840
Greek mythology has been around
for over 3,000 years.

81
00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:26,400
These stories were an essential
part of the ancient Greeks' religion

82
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,720
and are still reflected
in the culture today.

83
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,680
Now we need to learn...
Let's feed our brains.

84
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,240
..something, don't we?
Inspired by the Greek gods,

85
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:41,880
the palace was originally built
in 1890 by Empress Sisi of Austria.

86
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,040
How are you?  Hello, I'm Alan.
I'm Amanda.

87
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,080
My name is Nafsika.
Nafsika.  So, shall we?

88
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,680
Yes, yes.

89
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,320
Wow, look at these statues.
They're really impressive.

90
00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:00,040
Yeah.

91
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:01,920
Sisi tragically lost her son

92
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:05,040
and built the palace of her dream,
as her refuge

93
00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,640
as well
as a tribute to Greek mythology.

94
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,480
OK, so as we go to
the famous statue of Achilles...

95
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,720
It's very homoerotic.
He's got a lovely bottom.

96
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,160
It's too perfect. OK, so you know

97
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,800
the story about how he became
immortal?

98
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,560
Almost.  Didn't his mother hold him
by the ankle and dip him into Styx?

99
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,320
Is it the river?  The river. Yes.

100
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,400
And because she was
holding Achilles' heel,

101
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,520
the whole body became immortal
except of the heel.

102
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,520
That is why that was his weak point.

103
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,400
And when Paris,
the kidnapper of Helen,

104
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,560
knew about the secret,
the weak point of Achilles,

105
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,160
so he aimed at his heel.

106
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,360
And with a poisoned arrow,
he killed him.

107
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,640
Oh!

108
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,960
So you know who this lady is?
Is it Venus?

109
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,440
Yes. She looks like Venus,

110
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,360
but she's very famous.
Phryne her name.

111
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,560
Phryne is such a pretty name.  Yeah,

112
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,680
Phryne - she was an escort.

113
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,760
Oh!  No way.  The escorts,

114
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,240
they were known as hetairas
in ancient Greek.

115
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,040
They were well educated.

116
00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:10,480
They had the ability to talk
about politics,

117
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,920
philosophy, economy, arts.

118
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:17,600
So they accompanied the very famous
and politicians.

119
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:22,080
Men. Phryne, she was so
beautiful and so clever.

120
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,440
She charged huge amounts to men
that she didn't like.  Good girl.

121
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,760
Or she would go for free with men
that she liked.

122
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,440
That's fair.  Why do you think
they made up these stories?

123
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,360
It's much more interesting,
if you think about,

124
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:37,800
to add some spiciness in your
life.  Yes.

125
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,600
All these stories. And in the past,
people didn't travel at all.

126
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,800
No, no.  They stayed forever
in one place.

127
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,360
So they needed some, like,
imagination and,

128
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,040
you know,
people that they shared stories.

129
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,560
So...  They need to be entertained.
That's true.

130
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,800
I loved every second of that.
I just want all those

131
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,320
stories to go into my head
so I can remember them,

132
00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,720
so I can tell my kids.  Listen, just
go into my reading room!

133
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,280
All the information is going
to be there.

134
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,280
I'm going to have little nods
to this place in there.

135
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:05,920
There's going to be a statue, a
bust,

136
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,200
there's going to be books about
myths.

137
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,440
Is there going to be a statue?

138
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,000
I might stick one of these
in my bum bag and walk out.

139
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,440
Oh, look at this.

140
00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,880
The ancient Greeks believed
that they had to pray to the gods

141
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,920
for help and protection, because if

142
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:22,640
the gods were unhappy with someone,
then they would punish them.

143
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,840
The ancient city was built between
the two high hills

144
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,880
and was known as Korypho

145
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,640
and later became Corfu,
which means "the city of the hills".

146
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:34,680
Ah.  OK.  Interesting.

147
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:39,200
Let's hope the gods are smiling
down on some of your design choices.

148
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,760
Who's the god of bathrooms?

149
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,480
Domestos.

150
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,400
Or is that god of toilets?

151
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,400
Oh!  That's good.  That's so good.
HE SIGHS

152
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,120
Well, Domestos has worked her magic

153
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,640
as despite the doubters,
Stamatis has come up trumps.

154
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,520
He's got one of his best builders,

155
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,840
Adonis, to make my AI circular bath
a reality.

156
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,240
And today, it's arriving on site.

157
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:15,440
This is a work of art.

158
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,880
You've made a dream come true
for this woman,

159
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,600
because everybody said, "It's AI."

160
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,400
Did I say that?  "It's not real.
It's not real."

161
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:27,040
This...is real.

162
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,480
Adonis has lived up to his name.

163
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,280
OK, so...  We just have to...
Can we pass through the door?

164
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:33,840
..wheel this into there!

165
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:38,360
That's it.  You make that look easy.

166
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:41,160
Yeah.  I mean, look at this.

167
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,840
Is it going to overtake the entire
bathroom now?

168
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:46,120
Now I'm going to see
how big this is.

169
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,600
Very big.  Oh, yes.
Look at this. Oh, my God.

170
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,200
I'm going to get in the bath
with a massive

171
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,480
glass of wine and look
at next door's bougainvillaea.

172
00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,640
And they can see you as well.
"Hello!"

173
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,360
Give the people what they want.

174
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:04,600
THEY LAUGH

175
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:09,080
Luckily, my second showstopper for
the bathroom has arrived today, too.

176
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:14,440
I have got one piece
of my chandelier.

177
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,320
Now we need to make everything match
with that thing.

178
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,600
Everything that sort of blue.
Like, climb in.

179
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,000
How big is that thing?  55cm.

180
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,520
I need it to be so that you don't
bash your head on it.

181
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:30,040
But it needs to be quite low.

182
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,400
Yeah. Like that.
Maybe a bit higher from the window.

183
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,680
Yes. Yeah.

184
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,840
OK. Interesting.

185
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:48,440
Whilst Amanda lives in a world
of artificial intelligence,

186
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,520
I'm embracing tradition.

187
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,440
I've come to Corfu Town
to hunt out some authentic

188
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,760
Greek crafts to display
in my reading room.

189
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,600
There's everything in here!
There's pots, there's handbags.

190
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,840
And I've heard local artist Olga
is the woman in the know.

191
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,440
This is speaking my language.

192
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,040
I've got a reading room,
doing up a reading room.

193
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,640
I just want objet d'art.
I want interesting things.

194
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,400
Curiosities to put on the shelves
that people go, "Oh, I love that."

195
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,760
Well, then, here is your place.

196
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:23,480
We have beautiful jewellery
and pottery that I personally enjoy.

197
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,960
That's my best thing
in the whole world.

198
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,680
This is perfect. This is perfect.

199
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:31,720
Corfu actually has
a very long tradition for pottery.

200
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,640
Wow.  So here we have all

201
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:40,200
Corfu's tradition in one art object.
So it's ceramic.

202
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,800
Oh, I love it.  It's the jewellery.

203
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,560
Because Corfu has a great tradition
in jewellery making.

204
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,640
Hello. Look at this.

205
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,520
It's the traditional costume
and the Easter costume.

206
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,440
As part of an ancient Greek
tradition, at Easter,

207
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:54,880
these large clay pots,
called botides,

208
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:58,080
are filled with water,
decorated with ribbons

209
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,000
and thrown from balconies.

210
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,920
So would you like to try and draw
something like that with me?

211
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,680
I'd love to.
I would love... It'd be an honour.

212
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,360
Olga, it would be an honour.

213
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,360
Let's give it a try.
OK. Olga's great.

214
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,560
I love her energy.
I love her spirit.

215
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,800
She's everything I want sort of the
reading room to be.

216
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,520
I want it to be fun,
knowledgeable.

217
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:18,600
Oh!

218
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,240
Just create a spark in you,
you know? Inspire you.

219
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,720
And then just go...

220
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,560
..brrrp!

221
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,560
Brrrp!  Yes. Yes!

222
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:28,840
Very good. Great.

223
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,080
Ah. When I don't do
the noise, it's rubbish.

224
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,960
No... Just try it.

225
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,640
Brrrp! Brrrp!

226
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,240
Back at the build,
my tiles have arrived,

227
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,440
which I'm hoping match
my electric-blue chandelier.

228
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,280
There's a lot of purple in there.

229
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,160
I don't think this is the right
colour.

230
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,320
I don't like it.  Uh-uh.

231
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:57,600
Nobody wants, like, an iridescent,
pearly, purplish bathroom.

232
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,680
SHE SIGHS

233
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,760
It's a disaster, darling.

234
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,880
It's so shiny and nasty.
It's like a mermaid's tail.

235
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:20,080
Here, do you know any gays?
Listen, can I...?

236
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,760
Can I be honest with you?  I do.

237
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:27,360
I'm single and I'm trying
to find love in Corfu.

238
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,920
Well, have someone who's great
at giving massages.

239
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:34,720
Are you interesting?
We can set up a blind date.

240
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,240
This has gone from zero to 60
in five seconds.

241
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,600
One minute you were thinking,

242
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,480
next thing you know I'm going on a
date with a masseuse.

243
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,000
How long are you staying here for?

244
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,560
If it's for love,
I'm that desperate,

245
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:44,920
I'll change my visa.

246
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:51,120
Listen, for my first attempt,
that's OK.

247
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,440
No, to be fair...

248
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,480
..art is never perfect.
Yeah. I'm going to go.

249
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,960
You get on the phone
and keep me posted, please.

250
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:01,920
We'll be in touch.  Yes.  OK.

251
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,400
Please get in touch, yes.
Thank you.  Bye-bye, Alan.

252
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,480
Bye-bye! Bye.

253
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,000
I popped in for a pot
and I come out with a Greek lover.

254
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,680
Boom. Wonderful.

255
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,560
With my bathroom ambitions
in the balance,

256
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:20,880
Alan is taking me for a soak
in the sea.

257
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,720
Right, Alan, don't come near me
for two minutes

258
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,400
cos I'm going to have a wee.
That's disgusting.

259
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,640
Oh, my God.
Have you finished your wee?

260
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:36,960
I've finished my wee.

261
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,240
At least it's warm
in that patch over there.

262
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,720
Everyone looks good
in this kind of light, don't they?

263
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,160
Yeah.

264
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,080
You're not...!
SHE LAUGHS

265
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,160
What are you saying?
You've got a crushed ear

266
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:52,080
and a thin top lip and
steamed-up glasses.

267
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:55,960
I can't, honestly...  You don't even
look like you.  I don't look like me?

268
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,560
It doesn't look like YOU!

269
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,200
HE SPITS

270
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,040
It's a new day.

271
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,480
I'm going to hone my woodworking
skills

272
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,800
as I create my bespoke book shelves.

273
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:26,200
This room is going to be like
walking into Stephen Fry's brain.

274
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:29,880
Culture. Poetry.
Thinking. No telly.

275
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,400
Books. Philosophy.

276
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,320
You know like when you go
to the British Museum

277
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:38,920
or VandA or something like that,
you know, you go in there, you go...

278
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,640
Your sort of, like, mouth falls open
because you see

279
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,080
all these amazing books and
objet d'art and antiques

280
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,880
and artefacts and you feel like,

281
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,280
"Wow, my brain is getting nourished
here."

282
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,720
That's what I want.
So...  To bring my vision to life,

283
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:55,120
first we need to work out
the dimensions...

284
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,360
Do you know what?
Cos that's high up,

285
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,560
that can be the adult section.

286
00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,240
Erotica.  Top shelf.  Top shelf.

287
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,480
..and cut MDF boards to size.

288
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,200
We're also making an outer frame
to screw the boards into place.

289
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,000
ALAN SPLUTTERS

290
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,440
Hold.  Hold it. I am holding it.

291
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,320
Hold.  I'm holding it!

292
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:26,800
Let go.

293
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,040
Beautiful.

294
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,880
Happy? Is that looking
all right so far?

295
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,000
I'm loving it. It's great.

296
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,280
Whilst Alan's keen
to display his Greek objet d'art,

297
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,200
I'm on the hunt in Corfu Town

298
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,760
for some authentic Greek items
of my own.

299
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,760
The Greeks have used sea sponges
for personal hygiene for centuries.

300
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,200
So I've come to The Land of Corfu,
shop - that specialises

301
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:06,080
in sustainably sourced ones -
for my family bathroom.

302
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,320
Oh, my God.

303
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,800
Oh, that's a bit scary.

304
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,840
Excuse me. Hi. Hello.

305
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,400
Hello. Hello.  This is a...

306
00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,360
This is an amazing shop.

307
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:22,880
Thank you very much.  I had no idea
so many massive sponges existed.

308
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:27,560
We collect from very deep depths.
About 80m.

309
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:28,880
Wow.

310
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:33,680
It needs some very,
very good divers.  Experts.  Yes.

311
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,040
What an amazing job.
"What do you do?"

312
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,520
"I dive for sponges."

313
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:44,320
So tell me, what's the most
expensive sponge in this shop?

314
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,600
The most expensive soap
is like that.

315
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,640
Is 400 euro.

316
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:53,440
Because this size
is very difficult to grow.

317
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,760
Do people actually buy them
and then, like, use them?

318
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,600
No. This one is for collectors.

319
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,240
Yeah.  It's something very,
very special and elegant.

320
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,120
Alan may have his reading room,

321
00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:08,280
but my secret weapon...is a sponge.

322
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,520
That looks like a lovely
cauliflower.

323
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,480
Sponge here, Adriatica.

324
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,480
And kapadiko
from east Mediterranean.

325
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,640
Perfect. It might be nice
if I can find some coral.

326
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,960
Maybe a couple of shells.
I think we'll get these.

327
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,000
This is amazing.
It's amazing colour.

328
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,520
Yeah. Perfect.

329
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,480
My bathroom's going to look epic.

330
00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,440
I've been using my time on

331
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,000
the island to dip my toe back into
the dating world.

332
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,600
I've not had much luck so far,
but tonight,

333
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,880
my friend Olga has organised a blind
date with her friend Andrew...

334
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,480
..the masseuse.

335
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:56,080
My dating history on Corfu has been
a little bit mixed.

336
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,880
The first date was a bit of
a disaster.

337
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:03,040
Amanda's put me on the app
and no-one's really bitten.

338
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:04,800
So I'm here to try again.

339
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,840
Are you Andrew?
Hello, I'm Alan.  How are you?

340
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,560
Mwah, mwah.

341
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,440
Nice to see you.
Do you like a gin and tonic?

342
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,280
Yes, please.
Make it a double, the day I've had.

343
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,400
You're having gin as well?
Yep.  Yeah.

344
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,680
Double gin.  Two double gin and
tonics?  Yeah. Lovely.

345
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,200
Now, what's...?  Tequilas there.
Oh, you like shots?

346
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,920
That's dangerous.  Very.

347
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:32,280
Because to me, when I have tequila,
my clothes come off.

348
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,520
Really?  Just so you know. Yeah.
Let's do it. Let's drink tequila.

349
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,720
Stop it!

350
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:39,760
Come on.
You don't even know my name

351
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,200
and you're getting fruity already.
You've just got

352
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,360
to put yourself out there,
haven't you? You know what I mean?

353
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,680
If you want to catch a fish,
you've got to get your rod out.

354
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,880
Whilst Alan
is wooing his potential new man,

355
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:55,480
I'm battling with my 300-piece,
electric-blue chandelier.

356
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:59,600
I've been two hours putting this
blinking thing together.

357
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,040
I have no idea, really,
what the pattern is,

358
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:06,920
because someone threw the box away
and I can't find a picture of it.

359
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,120
FLY BUZZES
Oh! Buzz off!

360
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:19,000
Yes! I actually think Alan is going
to eat his words.

361
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,120
He's going to think it's nice.

362
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,320
Look at that.  You're very good.

363
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,440
That's good, isn't it?

364
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,160
That's good.

365
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:33,840
ALAN SPLUTTERS

366
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,160
Geez, duh!

367
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,440
Good job we're not playing strip
pool, innit? You'd be naked.

368
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,880
ALAN SNICKERS
God.

369
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,760
It's always a bit eggy
when you're dating.

370
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,320
I'm just going to see how it goes.

371
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,080
But I just think time is of
the essence.

372
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:59,120
I'm approaching 50.
I've been a bit miserable, but now I

373
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:02,320
love Greece and I want to find love,
you know?

374
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,520
So what do you look for in someone
when you go dating?

375
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,600
Being happy.
Oh, you go for happy people.

376
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:15,040
Happy people.  I go for men
who are really good at pool.

377
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,160
Mm, I like it.
ALAN LAUGHS

378
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,360
It's been lovely having a nice
date with you.

379
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,320
Me too.

380
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,040
Let's do another date.

381
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,640
Let's have a dinner.
Let's have a dinner!

382
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,080
Promise?  Promise.

383
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,120
Oh, you're so lovely.

384
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:39,080
Now, please, I'm going to... Oh!

385
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,480
THEY LAUGH

386
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,320
Mwah! You're so lovely. Mwah!

387
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,560
It's a busy morning at the build

388
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:55,200
as we try
and get both of our rooms finished.

389
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,720
Adonis has come through again with
an ingenious

390
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,320
alternative to my tile dilemma -

391
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,840
a waterproof, coloured-plaster
finish.

392
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,080
Fabulous.  OK.  This is the undercoat?

393
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,440
This is the under... Yeah.
This is not 100%...

394
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,240
Cos it's not the colour,
but it's the primer.  Correct.

395
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,200
The base colour.

396
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,400
Well, let's go in.  OK.  OK.

397
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,880
Adonis is the king of bathrooms.

398
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:24,960
The king of hot tubs.

399
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,280
He's just the king of...hot.

400
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,800
Stamatis has been giving all
of his attention to the blue bath.

401
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,880
But I've got an even
bigger challenge

402
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:37,480
for him in my family reading room -

403
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,600
fitting the floating bed.

404
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,360
Through there.

405
00:21:41,360 --> 00:21:45,680
It's crucial for our design,
as it's not only a space to read,

406
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,400
but it's an overspill bed
for large families.

407
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,520
SPEAKS GREEK

408
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,840
It's quite high up.

409
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:56,680
There's a...there's a ladder
that swings about,

410
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:01,000
so the potential
for it to go wrong is quite high.

411
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,640
It's got a curve in the middle.
Yeah.

412
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,000
Because it's heavy and it's long.

413
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,880
So we need to do something
to support.

414
00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:08,360
So we need... You need to think now

415
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,560
an idea what we're going to put
in the middle.

416
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,040
I don't think Stamatis takes my
design ideas as seriously

417
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,320
as he does Amanda's.

418
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,880
Like, he made her bath work.

419
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:22,920
The point of a floating bed is it
has to look like it's floating.

420
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,200
That's not floating if it's got
a massive stick keeping it up.

421
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,520
It's meant to be magic.

422
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,200
People are meant to go, "Oh, how's
that bed staying up there?"

423
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,760
If it's got a giant pole
keeping it up, where's the surprise?

424
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:36,280
I mean, look how big it is.

425
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,560
Oh, God.  Nearly 3m.
That's a big bed.

426
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:40,840
OK...

427
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,320
SPEAKS GREEK

428
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,600
I'm just wondering whether the bed
shouldn't be floating.

429
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,640
Maybe I should just stick a futon
in there and be done with it.

430
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,360
You hold it like that and press.
You see?

431
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:56,160
So you push it in?  Yeah.

432
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,720
As Alan's struggling, I'm thriving.

433
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,360
For us to have found this
extraordinary

434
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,480
solution
that I didn't even know existed,

435
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,880
like, blue cement, I'm, like,

436
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,520
glad that we had the problem.
Because we found a way around it

437
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,880
and it's better than the
original idea.

438
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,760
That's amazing.

439
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,720
Oh!

440
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,720
Hello, Mr Carr!  Hello!

441
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,000
THEY LAUGH

442
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,480
What do you think of
me big blue bath?

443
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,080
Oh, yeah. It's...

444
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,600
Yeah, it's...  Blue.
Yeah. It's blue.

445
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,520
It's blue.  This is the undercoat.

446
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:38,000
So it's going as blue
as my chandelier.

447
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,200
Adonis, what do you think?

448
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,240
Is this good or is she crazy,
crazy?  No.

449
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:42,960
No, no.  Do you think it's going to
look good?

450
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,800
Yeah. Going to look very good.
Thank you, Adonis.

451
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,200
All right, all right!

452
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,080
After a full-on day of DIY,

453
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,640
Stamatis and his wife
Olympia have invited Alan

454
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,000
and my girls to the
Varkarola festival

455
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,960
in celebration of St Spyridon.

456
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:05,600
It's bigger than I thought it
was going to be, Alan.

457
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,200
It's like the whole
of Corfu has come out, innit?

458
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,280
In 1716,
the Ottomans tried to invade Corfu,

459
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:13,720
but their attack failed.

460
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,960
It's believed that St Spyridon
worsened the weather,

461
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,280
stopping the battle.

462
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,440
Stamatis.  Yeah. Oh!

463
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,880
Hello!

464
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,120
This is amazing!  Yeah, yeah.

465
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:29,200
How many celebrations a year
are there to do with Greek gods?

466
00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,200
Every second day they're
doing something.

467
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,760
In the summer, in the summer.

468
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,480
Really?  Yeah, yeah.
Are the fireworks quite loud?

469
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,320
Cos I've got a nervous disposition.

470
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,800
It's just a light and a little
bit...  "Bang, bang, bang!"

471
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,160
No, no, no.

472
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,240
I mean, when you have Bonfire Night
at home,

473
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,480
there's like a barrier

474
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,400
and you have a couple of people
in high-vis jackets.

475
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,440
The man's over there just standing
next to a box of fireworks,

476
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,720
having a fag. I just don't...
I don't know.

477
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,800
I can't really relax.

478
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,840
OK. Should we do a toast to...

479
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,760
How do you call this tradition?
Varkarola.

480
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,520
Varkarola.
Varkarola!

481
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,240
Varkarola!  Varkarola!

482
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,480
Every year on August 11th,
St Spyridon is honoured with

483
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,960
a mock recreation of the battle
and fireworks galore.

484
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,680
LOUD BANG, AMANDA YELPS

485
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,520
FIREWORKS CRACK

486
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,680
AMANDA LAUGHS

487
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,960
At the house, we're on the home
stretch to finish the rooms.

488
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,560
Adonis has been
colour matching my bath to

489
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,640
the chandelier
so I can finally hang it in place...

490
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,880
Ready?  Yep.

491
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:51,600
Yay!

492
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:54,880
..and style the space.

493
00:25:56,760 --> 00:25:59,000
And with my bed finally floating,

494
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,720
I'm bringing my wall of
shelves to life.

495
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:08,720
Oh.

496
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,400
His willy's fallen off.

497
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:17,880
Lay All Your Love On Me
by Abba

498
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,720
So...

499
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,400
..you've got to admit, it turned out
better than you expected.

500
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,120
It really, really did.

501
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,640
And I'm going to just say,
with this renovation,

502
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:37,120
I think I'm falling
in love with the colour blue more.

503
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:38,840
Thank you, Alan.

504
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,360
RECORD SCRATCH

505
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:45,720
That, to me, does look a little
bit...cheap.

506
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,800
It wasn't expensive,
it wasn't cheap.

507
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:52,880
But this was AI. Now it's AH.

508
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,280
A...
HE LAUGHS

509
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,360
I see what you did there.
Thank you.

510
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:01,240
Yeah, hats off to you
because it's brilliant.

511
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,600
Come and have a look
at my intellectual space.

512
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,600
It is amazing, I have to say.  Yeah.

513
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,400
You've come in from the beach.

514
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,840
It's not tea time yet
and you're not getting ready.

515
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,120
I'm going to climb all the way
up there with my book.

516
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:27,960
And if I nod off, I nod off.
Who cares?

517
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:29,560
You've done an incredible job.

518
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,680
Yeah.  And it's allowed us
to have another guest.

519
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,240
Yeah.  And if you wanted to,

520
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,320
you could have a little put-you-up
there and have more people.

521
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:39,240
Yeah.
So what do you think of me unit?

522
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,080
I love... I mean, I love a unit,

523
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,240
and I love how you've styled
all the books

524
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,680
colour coordinated.
There's Aphrodite.

525
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,160
Aphrodite, for me.  Yeah.

526
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,240
And there's Apollon for me.
Apollon?

527
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,720
Apollen is the Greek
way of saying Apollo.

528
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:58,000
Oh.  But sadly,
the willy's fallen off just...

529
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,400
Did you really lose his willy?
Yeah, the willy snapped off.

530
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,880
Oh, my God. Poor man.
I know, I know.

531
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:05,920
But he's still smiling.
THEY LAUGH

532
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,120
Next time...  Opa!
Opa!

533
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:10,480
..we hit the dance floor.

534
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,600
That is a calorie burner, that is.

535
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,560
And I finally have some luck.

536
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,280
Amanda put me on a
Lonely Hearts app.

537
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,240
You know me now here.
Why you need the app?

538
00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,080
THEY LAUGH

539
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,160
As we take on...  That's good.

540
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,280
..our final space.
I'm proud of you.

541
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,080
I'm proud of you, too.

542
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,040
Yamas!

543
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,800
LAUGHTER